


Remembrance

by MisfitWriter



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon, Psychological Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-11 07:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5619220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisfitWriter/pseuds/MisfitWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set one year after The Force Awakens.  Established StormPilot.  </p><p>Finn and Poe end up in the wrong place at the wrong time, and are captured by the Order.  Kylo Ren is determined to find Rey, and attempts to draw it out of Poe like he'd done with the location of the map fragment.  Poe tries to appeal to the friend he'd known as a child, but it only enrages Kylo, and the true extent of the damage left by his mental assault won't become clear until the pilot wakes up...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I saw TFA and was instantly in love with StormPilot. I have also read about the head canon that Ben Solo and Poe Dameron knew each other before Ben went darkside...and then this happened. Not sure how many chapters this will be...was originally only supposed to be a one-shot, but once again it totally got away from me, and I couldn't let Poe off too easy. I hope you guys like, I will try to update again soon.

There were a few scenarios in which Poe Dameron had imagined he might find himself over the years as a Resistance pilot. Hell, there had been plenty of scenarios he’d _never_ dreamed up in a thousand years, didn’t stop them from happening. Take his current predicament for example…he’d been out on a ‘scouting run’ (better known as an excuse to take Finn out to see a new part of the planet), and was ambushed by a team of Stormtroopers who had also apparently been out on a scouting run. He’d tried to give Finn an opportunity to escape…his snarky almost-flirting had almost distracted them enough to give him an opening, but one of the friggin’ troopers had recognized the ‘traitor’.

So now, he was getting manhandled into their shuttle, Finn directly beside him. The pilot shot a sideways glance to his companion, and silently berated himself for putting Finn in harm’s way just a few months after finally getting back on his feet again.

“Don’t give me that look,” Finn hissed under his breath.

“What look?” Poe retorted, glaring over his shoulder at the lackey that shoved his shoulder a bit harder than necessary.

“The _‘I’m gonna take all the blame for this no matter what anyone says’_ look. Not your fault.”

“That’s enough from you two,” a deep voice commanded ahead of them. Poe looked up and saw a Sandtrooper waiting for them. “Put them in the hold. Kylo Ren wants to speak to both of them. She is not here, but I suspect they know where to find her.” Dread settled into the pit of Poe’s stomach at the mention of the subject of many nightmares of late, but he steeled himself and put on a cool façade.

“Who is this ‘she’ you’re talking about and what makes you think we would know where ‘she’ is?” Poe asked, feigning ignorance. A startled ‘oof’ was forced from his lungs when a gloved hand slammed into his abdomen. He doubled over for a moment, the grip on both arms the only thing bringing him back upright. Finn’s shout of protest drew his attention, and Poe held out his bound hands to his companion in an attempt to silence any further protest. “It’s okay, Finn.”

“I doubt that, Resistance trash. I have a feeling Ren will be more than happy to see how you hold up for round two. Might even make your traitor boyfriend over here watch.” Before either of the men could react, they were shoved unceremoniously into a cell. Poe turned and caught Finn as the former Stormtrooper stumbled.

“You okay, buddy?”

Finn nodded distractedly, looking around them. “Well, I can tell you now there’s no way we’re getting out of this cell. Are _you_ okay?” he questioned, abruptly turning to face the pilot.

Poe nodded, brushing off his concerned inspection. “I’m fine…they’re looking for Rey. _Kylo Ren_ is looking for Rey…and he is going to try to use us to figure out where she went. Finn…I’m sorry. I should’ve been more aware. I should’ve known there was something off.” The dread started to rise in him again, bordering on panic as he thought of what Finn had been through at the hands of Han and Leia’s son…the months spent in physical therapy just so that he could walk again.

Flashes of his recurring nightmare started to surface as well, but he shook his head to force it away. Finn grabbed his partner by the shoulders, startling him from his thoughts. “Poe. This is _not_ your fault. _I’m_ the one who used to be one of them, _I_ know how they work. I could have been paying better attention too. We had no idea they’d reached the planet. Hey, on the bright side, we don’t actually  _know_ where Rey is, so they’re not going to get their answer from us.”

“They’re sure as hell gonna try. But…they have to think that we do know where she is. If we’re useless, they won’t keep us alive too long.”

“Poe…”

“I must say, I was a bit surprised to hear that you were still alive, FN-2187. Not many would have been able to walk away from such an injury.” Indignant rage flashed through Poe, and he spun to lunge towards the smug man leaning casually against the doorjamb. His nonchalant pose created a stark contrast to the menacing image presented by his helmet. Before he even made it a step, Poe felt his body become rigid. Despite his sudden inability to move, the pilot continued to struggle fiercely. “You always were a passionate one, Dameron. Passionate, loyal, and protective. I enjoyed… _extracting_ what I needed from you last time; I’m sure I will enjoy it again.” Poe silently cursed Ren for hinting at their history; the taunting tone of his distorted voice assured Poe that he’d done it intentionally because of Finn. The former Trooper stepped forward, but was also held in place by an invisible power.

“Screw you. I’ve practiced since our last little meeting…I know how to keep you out of my head now.”

Kylo pushed himself away from the wall, and towered over Poe. “Is that so?” He leaned down until they were practically nose to nose, and it took everything in the pilot to remain stone-faced. “I do _love_ a challenge. Once we arrive, you will have more than enough time to show me just how good you are against the Force.”

Poe held his stare defiantly until he turned on his heel and left the cell. The Force didn’t release either man until the door snapped shut, and Poe felt like a puppet whose strings had been cut. He stumbled towards the ground, but warm hands caught him by the arms and led him to the shallow bench against the far wall. “I’ve got ya, Poe. What the _hell_ was that all about?!”

Poe sighed, and ran his fingers through his hair. “Besides the fact that he really wants to play in the sandbox otherwise known as my mind? It’s…a really long story.”

Finn nodded, squeezing his knee gently. “At the moment, it seems like we’ve got nothing but time.”

Poe stared down at the hand on his knee for a long moment before settling his own hand over it.  “Rey told me about…what happened with Han. So you know that Kylo is their son…Ben?” He turned to look at Finn, drawing strength from the compassionate gaze to continue. He hadn’t told this story…let alone dwelled on it for more than a few seconds…in years, and it was already making him feel drained. He dropped his gaze and drew in a deep breath, ignoring the twinge in his abdomen. “I grew up in the Resistance. I…I was trained for a while by Han, so naturally I spent a lot of time with his son. We were quite the troublemakers growing up…until Ben discovered his gift. He was less than thrilled about his parents sending him to train with his uncle, saw it as them pushing him off on Luke. Once he left, we lost touch…and then everything happened at the Academy, and we thought he was dead. At least… _I_ did. Until he caught me on Jakku. I knew it was him pretty quickly. Needless to say, the whole torture/interrogation thing at the hands of the person I’d once seen as a little brother pretty much sucked.”

His eyes lingered on the floor until he felt Finn’s forehead rest against his.  The tenderness threatened to overwhelm him, and he squeezed his eyes closed. “I’m sorry,” Finn breathed. His partner tangled their fingers together. “We’re going to get through this, together.”

“I don’t know, buddy. I’m not so sure we’re getting out of this one.”

“There's also the fact that Rey’s gonna kill us even if we do make it…she’s only gone for a year to train, and we go and get ourselves captured by the First Order.” Poe gave him a wry grin, but couldn’t hold on to the humor for long. “We’ll figure it out. The others have to recognize that we’re missing by now.” Both men rested back against the wall, getting lost in their own thoughts while they awaited their arrival at the First Order base.

 

* * *

 

“Let’s go, cupcakes.” Finn and Poe looked up simultaneously to see five Stormtroopers entering their cell. Poe instinctively fell into a fighting stance, but surrendered as soon as the last one to enter the room pointed a blaster at Finn. One trooper grabbed each of their arms, and the fifth stepped back to allow them to lead the prisoners out of the cell and off the shuttle. Poe took a cursory glance around, but directed his attention to Finn. The look on his partner’s face let him know that he knew exactly where they were…potentially great news. If they could manage to get that information to the Resistance.

“Master Ren will join us shortly. Until then, he granted us permission to begin the interrogation as we saw fit.” The guard on Finn’s left abruptly kicked his knee out from under him, driving the rebel to the ground. Poe bucked against his captors, growling a few choice words at the man. “If you just tell us where the girl is, no one would have to get hurt. Well…I guess that isn’t necessarily true. I’d still like to make the traitor suffer a bit.”

“Beat me all you’d like, I won’t give you anything.” The troopers glanced at each other and then nodded. Together they laid into him, kicking and punching him until he was curled in on himself on the floor.

“Stop!” Poe begged, struggling desperately to free himself. “He doesn’t know anything!”

“Oh don’t worry, you’ll have your turn soon enough. Master Ren is anxious to get started.” Finn stared up at him from the ground and shook his head. He was then abruptly hauled to his feet, and they were both dragged the rest of the way to their destination. Poe’s entire body went cold as they were brought into a large room. A metal table stood in the center of the room, with bindings that were far too similar to a certain chair for his peace of mind. “Be a good little rebel and get on the table.”

“Screw you,” Poe growled furiously. His captors both shoved against his shoulders, but Poe yanked an arm free and turned to swing at one of them. His hit landed, but white-hot agony erupted in his back, and suddenly he was on the ground spasming. He heard Finn calling his name, and as the world slowly came back into focus he saw a taser in the hands of that damned fifth trooper. “That the best you can do?” He barely caught Finn’s exasperated “ _dammit, Poe_ ” before three sets of fists and feet rained down on him. The pilot prayed Finn would stay strong and not draw their attention, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to do the same if the roles were reversed.

“That is enough!” The distorted voice of Kylo Ren bellowed, and the sudden stillness left Poe reeling and his ears ringing. “Get him on the table. Now.”

This time, the pilot couldn’t lift a finger to resist as he was lifted onto the cold metal and shackled by his hands and feet. He rolled his head back to glance at Finn, who had been pinned against the wall at some point and looked ready to murder someone. “It’s going to be fine, buddy. This ain’t my first rodeo,” he assured with all of the suave self-confidence he could muster. Finn’s glare shifted to him for a moment, softened marginally as he took in the blood and swelling already starting on Poe’s face, and then returned full force when he cut his eyes back to Kylo Ren.

“You are awfully positive for a man at the mercy of the Darkness.”

Poe scoffed, counting on his bravado to get him through a little longer. “Yeah, well, I haven’t been afraid of the dark since I was seven, so-“

The pilot’s voice cut off with a strangled gasp as Kylo raised his hand and stalked forward. He leaned over the bound man, watching him struggle to breathe. “Where is Rey?”

Poe was released, and dragged in several deep breaths. “You have a bad habit of losing things, you know that? Every time I see you anymore, it’s always _where’s this, where’s that?_ Maybe you should do a better job training your goons. No offense, Finn.”

“Sarcasm did nothing to help you before. I will take the information by force if I need to, and I assure you I will not be as careful this time. Tell me. Where is she?”

The bizarre sensation he recognized as his former friend digging into his mind prompted Poe to throw up his mental defenses, just like Rey had worked with him to figure out in the weeks before she left to train with Skywalker. Kylo Ren chuckled darkly and raised his hand again, this time closer to Poe’s face. The pilot focused all of his attention on maintaining the block, fighting against the all too familiar agony of Ren’s assault.

“No! Stop, please, leave him alone! We don’t know anything!” Kylo spun to face his other prisoner, releasing Poe to collapse back against the table, panting heavily.

“I will end you, deserter. After you watch your dear Dameron break before your eyes. Until then, shut up.” With a wave of his hand, Finn found himself unable to open his mouth. “Now, Poe. Where were we?”

“You were in awe of my new self defense skills. Told you last time, you need to change your tactics.”

“ _Enough of your childish games_!” Long, gloved fingers wrapped around Poe’s throat, and the pilot knew he was getting under his skin. Good or bad, that was yet to be determined. “Tell me what I need to know, or I will kill the traitor.”

And just like that, all humor or sarcasm fled from him. He knew they were running out of options. He wouldn’t be able to hold out against Kylo forever, and they were both dead as soon as they knew Poe couldn’t answer his demand. With a steadying breath, Poe made a last-ditch attempt. “Ben, please. Don’t do this…come home. Haven’t you lo-”

Dameron’s raw scream rang through the halls around them, and Finn felt his heart stop. He was going to lose Poe…he was watching his best friend, his _soulmate_ , die right before his eyes, and he couldn’t even open his mouth to remind him that he wasn’t alone. No matter how much he struggled, Finn couldn’t free himself. He could only watch as Kylo Ren used the Force to draw Poe’s head up off of the table, the pilot’s face contorted in agony as his voice faded out.

Ren used his free hand to remove his helmet, and passed it to one of his men. “Ben Solo is gone. Your attempt to appeal to his humanity is futile.” The brutal attack surprised Poe with its intensity, and it wasn’t long before only small whimpers passed his lips. He’d impressed himself by somehow holding on to his defenses through the initial wave of power, but Kylo Ren was much better trained than Rey had been when she worked with him. He was sustaining his assault much longer than Rey had ever been able to...and Poe could feel the weight of Kylo Ren’s rage on his mind. He knew that his childhood friend was going to shatter his shields, and he could tell that it would hurt. Much, much worse than anything he’d already done. Well, _shit_.

Steeling himself for what he was sure would be the end of him, Poe forced his eyes open to hold Ren’s stare. For an instant, the young boy he’d grown up with stared back at him, eyes desperate and terrified of what he was doing...what he was _capable_ of. The Resistance pilot knew it wouldn’t last, though, and turned his gaze to Finn. If he was going to die, he at least wanted to die looking at the man he loved.

The last thing he saw as his world exploded was the look of devastation as the former Stormtrooper recognized what was about to happen.


	2. Have Faith

Thank you so much for the support and encouragement for this!  I’m sorry for the confusion about continuing this story, there will definitely be a few more chapters!!!!  Happy ending to come, I promise.  Just bear with me for a little bit ;)

* * *

 

 

All the fight Finn had in him vanished when Poe Dameron went lax on the table under Kylo Ren’s mental assault.  He'd thought the sound of his partner’s screams had been the worst thing he'd ever heard...he was dead wrong.  The silence was  _ so, so much worse _ .  Poe Dameron was not wired to ever be as still as he'd just become.  Even when he was ‘still’, there was an undercurrent of energy that Finn could always feel somehow.  That energy was just  _ gone _ .  He couldn't even see any signs of breathing.

“You son of a bitch,” Finn growled even as Kylo Ren continued to hover over Poe.  The man ignored him, his face contorting with rage as he apparently sifted through Poe’s mind.   _ He must still be alive if he can access his memories! _

“Neither of them know where she is!” Kylo roared, slamming his fist down on the table above Poe's head.  Every single Storm Trooper jumped, and Finn resigned himself to the fact that both he and Poe were going to be dead soon.  He couldn't torture Poe anymore, at least not unless by some miracle he woke up again, and watching the pilot suffer had been far worse torture than any physical attempt would have inflicted.  They were useless now.

“Are you looking for me, cousin?”

Both Finn and Kylo snapped their gazes to the doorway behind them, where Rey stood as confident and fierce as Finn had ever seen her.  Luke Skywalker stood silently behind her.  Kylo Ren roared as he drew his light saber, but Rey was faster.  And more powerful now, apparently.  She threw up her hand, tossing the weapon from his grip and holding him firmly in place with the Force.

“How is this possible?!” Ren bellowed, disgust clear in his voice.  

Rey smirked at him as she instructed the Troopers to leave them.  “I was able to do just that less than five minutes after I discovered I was sensitive to the Force.  Did you really not expect me to expand my abilities in the year that I've been training with the Master Jedi since then?” Finn gave an angry shove to the men holding him against the wall as they released him, and was at Poe's side in an instant.  Relief flooded the younger man when he felt a steady pulse at Poe's throat. Rey's eyes moved to Poe, and sadness crept into her face.  “I hope for your sake that he is able to recover from this, Ben.  Because if he doesn't, cousin or not, I will destroy you.”    

“When will you idiots listen to me, Ben is  _ dead _ !”  

Rey turned back to scrutinize him, and shook her head once.  “No.  If that were true, you would not have lost control when he tried to get through to Ben.  You would not have had to kill Han to overcome your greatest weakness.  Goodbye for now, Ben Solo.”  The young man was shaking with fury, but could not overcome the power holding him immobile.

As Rey and Finn worked to free Poe, Finn tapping his partner’s cheek and pleading with him to wake, Luke remained silent and stoic in the doorway.  Rey helped ease Poe over Finn’s shoulder, and nodded to Luke.  The group easily maneuvered the base and reached the hangar with no problem; any possible threat was easily held at bay by the Master Jedi until they were far enough from the First Order base that they could not be followed.

While Rey and Chewie piloted the Falcon, Luke and Finn settled Poe onto a cot.  Luke moved around the small room for a moment, giving Finn the chance to run his fingers through Poe's hair and watch the shallow but steady rise and fall of his chest.  “Is he-” the former trooper cleared his throat when his voice caught.  “Is he going to come out of this?”

Luke turned to watch the pair.  “I am afraid that it is too soon to know for certain.  Rey and I both felt the incredible disturbance in the Force from Kylo Ren’s assault on Dameron’s mind.  The fact that he is still breathing is incredible. I can feel his presence...but I cannot yet reach him.  Until we are able to connect with his mind, it is impossible to determine the extent of any damage Ren may have caused.”

Finn fought back the tears burning in his eyes, and silently prayed that Poe would come back to him.  A warm hand settled on his shoulder, and Finn failed to smother a sob.  “I have known Poe Dameron since he was a young boy.  He did not become the best pilot in the Resistance by giving in to challenges...and he did not survive this long by surrendering to anyone that has tried to take him out of the equation.  Poe is strong, stubborn, and very loyal.  Have hope.”

Finn nodded silently.  Luke's hand fell from his shoulder and the Jedi left the room.  Finn dragged a small stool from the corner of the room and dropped heavily onto it beside Poe.  He took a long moment to study the face of the man that had given him so much...a  _ name _ , a family, a reason to keep fighting.  Everything that the Order had stripped him of.  From the moment they'd met, Finn knew there was something  _ special _ about him...he’d heard the screams of the then-prisoner echoing through the halls.  He’d heard of the Knight’s tactics to obtain information after  _ traditional _ methods of interrogation didn't work...Poe had every reason to distrust Finn, had every reason to give up right then and there.  But he didn’t...the lunatic had actually  _ grinned _ at him by the time they decided to escape.  From there, Finn hadn't been able to resist the draw towards the suave and charming pilot.  When he woke after the showdown with Ren, learning that Poe had been grounded to recuperate from his first encounter with the Force and spent all of his free time sitting with Finn (when he wasn't working with Rey) had been the final nudge he needed to confront his feelings.

In the six months that followed, the two had become inseparable.  Poe had been instrumental in his extensive therapy to get him back on his feet, and had never held any of his frustrated outbursts against him.  They had helped each other work through the stress of their individual traumas, and grounded one another when life got chaotic.  The thought of having to learn how to function without Poe exhausted Finn, so he instead took a limp hand in both of his own and rambled about whatever came to mind until they made it back to the Resistance base.

* * *

 

 

When they arrived back at the base, Poe’s squadron was waiting for them at the tarmac.  Snap was on the ship before anyone was even able to make it off, and helped Finn carry him off of the  _ Falcon _ .  Jess and the others followed silently behind, with Luke and Rey drawing up the rear.  The medical ward was overwhelmed upon their arrival, and the nurses shooed away everyone but Finn, Luke and Rey.  Finn turned to Snap as the other pilots protested, assuring Poe’s second that Finn would let him know the instant something changed.  “I’m sorry, Temmin.  I will find you as soon as I can...I’ll explain everything and I’ll update you on his status.  I promise!”  

The pilot nodded solemnly, fury simmering in his eyes.  Finn felt for the man; the squadron was a seriously tight-knit group of men and women; they  _ had _ to be in order to survive together in battle.  They hadn’t become the best squadron in the Resistance by accident.  Poe was not only their leader, but their friend.  He worked hard to protect his team, and took care to know each of them very well.  Each and every one of them hurt when one of them was down. 

Snap ushered Jess and the rest of the team out, silencing any protest with a sharp look.  As soon as they were out of sight, Finn spun back around to watch the nurses and medidroids check over Poe. Rey fell into line beside him, and Luke waited (silently, as always) for the analysis. Dried blood was cleaned away from his face, bruises and fractures (three ribs fractured, bruised spleen but no internal bleeding) were catalogued, and vitals were documented.  Once it was determined that he was not in any immediate danger from his physical injuries, the droids moved away, and the lead nurse turned to the Jedi.

“Physically, he will make a full recovery.  We will help him to manage the pain once he wakes, but his physical injuries are relatively minor, and do not account for his unconsciousness.  We will give you time, please alert us when you have completed your assessment, Master Skywalker.”  

Finn felt torn between relief and fear.  He could help Poe recover from something tangible...but caused by the Force?  He wasn’t so sure.  He trusted Luke and Rey to everything that they could, but what if that just wasn’t enough?  What if Poe never woke up from this?  What if Kylo Ren erased  _ Poe _ in his careless search through the pilot’s mind?

The idea of losing him quickly became more than Finn could bear, and the former StormTrooper found himself scrambling backwards out of the room.  Rey glanced back at him, face showing nothing but sympathy as she watched him leave.  He hated himself for leaving Poe’s side at a time like this, but he desperately needed to breathe for a moment...collect himself.  

Until, in his panicked distraction, he ran right into General Organa.  “Oh!  Ma’am...I am so sorry! I wasn’t-”

“Please, Finn, don’t apologize.  I understand,” she murmured gently, hands coming to rest on both of his shoulders.  Finn looked up at her, seeing that same sympathy in her eyes that she’d just seen in Rey’s.  “Rey told us what happened while you were en route.  What do they know so far?”

“Uh...physically he is okay.  Beaten up, but he’ll be fine.  I had to get some air after Master Skywalker stepped forward.”  He hung his head in shame.   “I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t come back from this.”

“You will persevere.  You will survive because you are strong, just like Poe.  But have faith in him, Finn.  Poe Dameron is too damn stubborn to allow my son to take him out.  His loved ones would have a thing or two to say about it as well, I'm sure.”

Finn took a slow, shaky breath.  Leia squeezed his shoulder affectionately.  “Thank you, General.”

“I have a feeling you won't forgive yourself if you aren't there if he wakes up soon.  Would you walk with me?” Finn nodded silently, leading her to the med room where the Jedi was still standing over Poe’s still form.  Leia placed a hand on Rey’s shoulder, watching her brother work solemnly.

What seemed like ages passed before Luke stepped back and turned to Leia.  “He is resting.  He is  _ there _ , but I am not able to wake him.  That must be in his own time.”

“Was there any damage from what Ren did?” Rey questioned softly.

Skywalker gave her a long look before answering.  “Only time will tell.” Dread settled into Finn at the hesitation before he spoke, but he couldn't bring himself to challenge the man.  

He could only stare at the too-pale face of his best friend, becoming numb to the movement around him until firm hands pulled him backwards. Instinctively he jerked his arm free, but the grip only tightened. “It's okay, Finn.  They're moving him to a private room, so I'm going to take you there now.” Rey’s voice was gentle, and a sense of peace that he knew wasn't coming from inside himself washed over him.  The Jedi-in-training led him down a corridor into an empty room.  “Finn, I need you to look at me for a minute, okay?”  When he complied, he was met with a serious stare.  “My father sensed that there  _ was _ some damage done by my cousin.  He could not determine how that damage would manifest...but I need you to be prepared when he wakes up.  Whatever happens,  _ we will get through it together _ .  Okay?  I am back, and I will not be going anywhere until I know that Poe is back to himself.”

Finn fought valiantly against the tears that her warning brought to his eyes, but having his best friend confirm his fears that his partner was hurt more than he could see overwhelmed him.  Rey gently wiped the streaks from his face before pulling him into a hug.  “Have faith, Finn.  We’ve been through too much to fall now.  You and I will get him through this.”  They remained in the embrace until the Medidroids brought Poe in, at which time Finn fell heavily into the chair beside his new bed.  He reached forward and gripped a limp hand tightly in his own, pressing his forehead to the cool fingers and wrestling with his composure until the others cleared out of the room, Rey closing the door gently behind her.

“Please, Poe.  Please come back to me.  I need you…”

 


	3. Three Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Sorry this took me a bit, but I hope you enjoy! please let me know what you think!!

Awareness returned to Poe Dameron in stages. First, he felt warmth that made him want to stay cocooned in sleep (or unconsciousness, whatever…) a little while longer. Then, the muted beeping he’d become far too familiar with in his years with the Resistance floated through. It wasn’t until his head began to throb that the pilot accepted the fact that he needed to wake up. He reached up with both hands to shield his eyes from obnoxious light, but realized that only his right hand moved. His left was weighed down by something. Something warm.

 

Slowly, tentatively, Poe turned his head to the left and forced his heavy lids open. The weight on his hand belonged to a sleeping man, his own hand resting loosely over Poe’s and head resting on crossed arms. Before the pilot could contemplate the man apparently holding a vigil beside him, _wearing his favorite jacket_ , flashes of the fight that apparently put him in the medbay assaulted him. Nothing, though, that explained why he’d ended up unconscious or why the person sitting beside him wasn’t one of his squadron

 

The sound of the door opening caught his attention, and Poe struggled to push himself up onto his right elbow. Leia Organa stepped into the room quietly, but surprise crossed her face at the sight of him awake and trying to sit up. “Poe! Lay back down,” she murmured, glancing between him and the man beside him. “How long have you been awake?”

 

“Iolo…and Kare…are they okay?” His eyes remained fixed on her as he fought to quell his panic. He couldn’t remember what happened to land him in the bed…so what else was he missing from that last flight?! Why weren’t any of his team members here with him…why would the General come see him personally if something wasn’t seriously wrong?

 

The confusion on the General’s face sent fresh stabs of fear and apprehension through him, which flared his headache to the point of nausea. “Commander?”

 

“Arana and Kun…did they make it back safely?” Poe failed to keep his voice down, his distress driving the pitch and volume of his voice higher and higher, and he felt the fingers draped over his hand tighten marginally.

 

“Poe, I need you to take a deep breath and tell me why you are concerned for your squad’s safety,” Leia instructed, stepping up to the bed and speaking in a steady, low voice.

 

“I…the…the last thing I can remember is trying to ditch a bunch of TIE fighters on our way back from Saber Strike. I don’t remember what happened to knock me out, so…are they okay?” Realization seemed to dawn on her at his words, and her eyes flickered to the man beside him. Poe followed her gaze, watching silently as he stirred for a moment, before he looked around him. Nothing in the room was familiar…this was not the medbay he’d woken in before. “General…where are we?”

 

She settled her hand onto the man’s shoulder as he finally lifted his head and looked up at Poe’s face, and squeezed when his dark eyes lit up. Confusion seeped into Poe’s thoughts as he looked back and forth between the two. “Commander Dameron, can you tell me where our primary Resistance base is currently stationed?”

 

Poe tilted his head as he stared at her. Was this some kind of illusion, was that why he didn’t know where he was? Had he been taken by the First Order? “General?”

 

“You are safe, Poe.”

 

“General, what is going on?”

 

“Poe?” the man beside him whispered, his voice laced with concern and what Poe could only define as _familiarity_. The pilot turned his eyes to take in the dark skin, the tension in every line of his body, and the desperate plea clear in his eyes. _What the hell was going on??_

 

“Commander…Operation Saber Strike was successfully completed over three years ago. Iolo and Kare have both since been promoted and are leading squadrons at our other bases. Can you remember any of this?”

 

Shock overwhelmed Poe, and his sudden tension spiked agony into his head. The pilot fell back against the pillow with a groan, and he clutched his temples with both hands. The heavy weight of the stranger’s grip settled onto his arms, but he couldn’t open his eyes to look at the person suddenly blocking out the light of the overheads.

 

“Finn…I’m sorry. Can you alert his med team and my brother?” He didn’t hear the response, but the hands slid away from him, and the lights dimmed just before the door clicked shut. “Poe? Commander, can you open your eyes?”

 

Poe took a steadying breath, and obeyed. The General had settled into the chair _Finn_ had abandoned, and was watching him with sympathetic eyes. “Three years? How is that even _possible_?”

 

Leia sighed. “You and Finn were taken captive by the First Order…by Kylo Ren.”

 

“Kylo Ren?”

 

“M-my son…Ben. We thought that he’d been killed in the attack on the Jedi Academy…but he had been seduced by the Dark Side. It was the second time you had been taken by the Order, and you had known that he was Ben. He was trying to find Rey and Luke. You tried to reach Ben…and Kylo Ren retaliated. We…we didn’t know what damage he’d done until now.”

 

“Well, _shit_ …” Poe breathed, before he remembered himself and flushed scarlet. “Uh…uh, I…I’m-”

 

“Poe, please…that sums up the current situation pretty well, I think. The medidroids have cleared you physically…there may be some lingering ache, but you have healed well since Luke and Rey brought you home.”

 

“Who…who is Rey?”

 

“I am a Jedi in training. And a friend,” a gentle voice interrupted from the doorway. A young woman stepped into the room behind Luke Skywalker…the man he’d once considered an uncle, and who had been missing for far too long. The man from before, Finn, was not with them.

 

“Will you allow me to look into your mind, to determine whether or not there is some way to unlock your memories?” Luke asked evenly. Poe glanced between him and Leia, who gave him a nod of encouragement. Poe mimicked the gesture to the Jedi, and took a deep breath as the man sat beside him.

 

Luke held a hand before his face, and the first thing Poe noticed when he closed his eyes was that the pain he’d been fighting had dissipated. He felt the strange presence sifting through his thoughts, and watched random memories play in his mind.

 

A sudden twinge of sharp pain startled him, and Poe was no longer in the warmth of the medbay.

 

_“Where is the map?”_

_The same sensation of Luke sifting through his thoughts…but_ seriously _less considerate…and a_ hell _of a lot more painful._

_“The Resistance…will_ not _be intimidated by you.”_

_A dark masked figure finding what he’d been looking for…what Poe had been fighting so hard to hide…and ripping it free as Poe screamed._

“Poe! Poe, listen to me! You are safe, you are in the medbay. Can you hear me?” Hands on both shoulders kept the pilot pressed firmly against the mattress, and Poe realized his scream had translated into reality. He tried to curl in on himself as blinding agony pounded inside his skull, but the soothing balm of Luke’s power helped to ease it and bring him back around. Slowly, he regained control of his breathing, and the Force blocked him from the lingering headache. “Are you back with us?”

 

“Uh…yeah. Sorry, General. What the _hell_ was that?!”

 

Luke turned to look at his sister. Poe opened his eyes, and looked around the room, catching a glimpse of his jacket disappearing through the doorway with Rey immediately following. “That was your first encounter with Kylo Ren. I am sorry, Poe…I did not expect my search to trigger such a violent reaction.”

 

“You were able to access a memory from the years he’s lost?” Leia questioned, a restrained sense of hope in her voice. Luke returned his gaze to the man lying on the bed, and nodded.

 

“His memories have not been destroyed…simply buried. I cannot keep rifling through his mind to find them; particularly so soon after waking from Ren’s attack. It may be something that we revisit once you recover, Poe, but it could take some time.”

 

The pilot nodded distractedly, his eyes drawn to the shadows in the hallway. Hushed voices filtered in to the room, too low to discern the words. The man, Finn…the one that had been wearing his jacket…Poe could hear a hint of desperation in his tone. “What exactly am I missing without those memories?”

 

Leia followed his eyes, and sighed heavily. “There will be time for that later, Commander. For now, your mind needs to rest.”

 

Poe lifted his head, suppressing a cringe as pain flared once again. “But General-“

 

“Poe. You were just forced to relive a horrible trauma.” Her face softened, and she settled her hand onto his shoulder. “Judging by how violently you were affected by the memory, it was as if it was actually happening again. I understand that you don’t want to be in the dark anymore, but give _us_ a chance to recover from that as well, okay?”

 

The sincerity in her voice, and the tension in her face, startled him. He’d always idolized Leia Organa, and he was fiercely loyal to her from the day she offered for him to fight for the Resistance…but their relationship – _or what he could remember of it_ – had never warranted the genuine, personal concern for his pain. He stared at her for a moment, speechless, before nodding.

 

“Good. Sleep, we will talk soon.” She then nodded to her brother, and the room cleared out. She turned off the light as they exited, leaving him alone and in darkness. With a heavy sigh, Poe willed his mind to stop racing so that he could sleep.

 

Maybe this was all just some ridiculous dream…


	4. Don't Go

“It’s about time you woke up,” a familiar voice teased when Poe finally opened his eyes again. Jessika Pava lounged in the chair at the foot of his bed, grinning tiredly at him. “You’ve had the whole squad in a tizzy for a week. Always have to be the drama queen, making your friends and fi-…uh…team…worry about you.”

Poe shook his head slightly in an attempt to shake the fog that made his thoughts sluggish. He watched his friend glance around nervously for a moment, hands wringing in what he recognized to be her gesture of guilt. Before he could ask her about it, though, the pilot had plastered on her typical smile and leaned forward in her chair. Fingers squeezed his ankle gently, and affection shone in her bright eyes. “But truly, Poe…it’s so good to see you awake again. The General filled us in on what’s going on, but we’re all here for you. Don’t push yourself too hard, you hear me?”

“Thanks, Jess.” She nodded, and pushed herself to her feet. “I…I need to know what I’m missing. I know there’s something major…someone was sitting with me when I first woke up, but I don’t remember him. Who is he? Who’s Finn?”

Something akin to grief fell over Pava’s pretty features, confirming Poe’s fear. He _was_ forgetting someone important. “I’m sorry, Boss. That’s…it’s not my place to tell. Snap wanted me to let him know when you woke up, so I’m gonna go find him. Take it easy…I’ll check in on you again soon.”

Before Poe could respond, Jess was gone. With a frustrated huff, Poe dropped his head back against his pillow and allowed himself to relax. A cursory glance around the room revealed that he was still in the same private room as the last time he’d woken…and it still didn’t look familiar. He had no clue where they were stationed now, or what had led to needing to change location. He could barely remember what happened the last time he woke; what he _could_ remember was the pain, and flashes of _cold_. He knew he should be hurting, so the fog in his mind must be the result of some pretty heavy-duty painkillers.

Nothing particularly new.

In the silence, Poe’s mind wandered to Finn…the man holding a bedside vigil while he was unconscious. The man wearing his jacket. The man who had not been in the room when he’d been drawn into the memory with Kylo Ren…but who had been rushing _out_ of the room when Poe had come back out of it. He remembered the looks on the faces of General Organa and Jess when he tried to ask about him. He was important to Poe, that much was clear. The way he’d been holding Poe’s hand, and what Jessika had _almost_ said just moments ago…he recognized what that meant.

The thought of having someone he loved look at him like a stranger slammed into Poe like a punch in the gut. He hadn’t had a many long-term romantic relationships in his life, but he bonded tightly with those he cared about, like his squadron. He couldn’t fathom how difficult it would be to have one of those people right in front of him, but not have a clue who he even was…let alone a partner. Guilt surged through him, and Poe felt tears sting his eyes. He dragged a hand down his face, breath shuddering. Regardless of the fact that it had been out of his control…he was causing someone he had previously _loved_ indescribable pain, and that was far worse than anything he could remember enduring at the hands of Kylo Ren.

“P-Poe?”

The pilot’s breath caught in his throat. He desperately wiped his eyes with the hand still resting over his face before pulling it away and looking over to his timid new guest. Poe scrambled to push himself up onto his elbows, but fell back with a hiss when the sudden exertion spiked agony through his skull.

Hands were suddenly on him, one cradling his neck and the other gripping his shoulder. A low, soothing voice murmured reassurances to him, and for a moment Poe felt an overwhelming wave of familiarity. The pilot gasped, forcing his tired eyes open to see Finn hovering above him, concern rolling off of him in waves. Poe drank in every inch of his handsome face, knowing in his _soul_ that he had done the same thing a thousand times. Memories dancing just outside of his peripheral of those thousand moments. A smile started to tug at the corner of his lips as understanding and hope started to dawn in his lover’s eyes…

And then there was a flash of pain, and it was all gone…slipped through his fingers like water. Poe’s gaze skittered away from Finn, and the man jerked his hands back as if he’d been burned. “I’m…I’m sorry, I-I guess I forgot for a minute,” Finn mumbled, stuffing his hands into his jacket and backing up nearly to the door.

Poe reached a hand out, tears of frustration stinging his eyes again. It had been _right there_ …and just as quickly as the moment had come, it had been ripped away from them again. “Wait…Finn, please. Don’t go. _Damnit_ …I’m _sorry_.”

The other man gave a humorless laugh, and dropped into the chair Jess had abandoned. Every line of Finn’s body screamed exhaustion, like he hadn’t slept in days. _I doubt I’d sleep a wink if our roles were reversed_ , Poe mused. “ _You’re_ sorry? Poe…you’ve done nothing wrong. _None_ of this is your fault.” The sad smile suggested some kind of significance to that statement, and the fact that he didn’t understand it just made the pilot feel that much worse.

“Even so…I’m putting you through pain…and I don’t know how to fix it. I…well, _this_ version of me, the _me_ that can’t access the last three years of my own memories, may not know _you_ …but I know _me._ I know who I am and I know how I work.” Finn raised an eyebrow at him, and Poe couldn’t help but get distracted for a moment. He was definitely beginning to see at least some of what captured Poe about this man. “Life as a Resistance fighter pilot is not exactly what anyone would consider safe. Because of that, I have always made a point to refrain from forming deep romantic connections. Friendships, sure…but appreciating and keeping up with this lifestyle is really hard…and it would be a serious challenge to do my job and protect my squad knowing that someone back home would be waiting for me.” Finn opened his mouth to speak, but Poe held a hand up slightly. “Let me get this out…please,” Poe whispered. Finn nodded silently. “You are wearing a jacket that has been with me as long as I have been a pilot. You reacted very strongly to me reliving my encounter with Ren…and _something_ just happened a minute ago, all proving to me that you _matter_ to me. _You_ have kept up with my life. You are special enough to me to make me change my mind…so that means I love you.”

He sighed, and gingerly pushed himself up onto his elbows. Finn leapt to his feet, and prevented Poe from sitting fully upright with a hand to his clavicle. The younger man kept his eyes down, refusing to meet Poe’s gaze, and pressed a button to raise the head of the bed. Poe released a slow, controlled breath as he relaxed back into the new position, ignoring the tingling where Finn’s hand had pressed into his skin. “One thing that I guess never changes with you…too damn stubborn for your own good,” Finn muttered, finally looking up into warm brown eyes. Poe felt a wave of guilt, and couldn’t help but reach out to wrap his fingers around Finn’s wrist.

“Finn…I _know_ that I love you. I could feel it….even if just for a moment. I  It’s _there_ …my memories are _there_. Just out of reach. Luke said that he can find them, like he did with the memory of my first incident with Kylo Ren. I promise you…I will do _whatever it takes_ to get those memories back. I _will_ bring back the man you know…the man you love.”

Finn struggled to smile as he turned his wrist to lace his fingers with Poe’s, but the tremble in his bottom lip betrayed his sadness. “It had been bad enough hearing your scream from down the hall before I’d even actually _met_ you. Watching him…” he stopped himself short and shook his head. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to watch you relive all of your memories from the last three years.”

“Not all of them could have been bad,” Poe murmured gently, silently cheering when Finn finally cracked half a smile. “It won’t be easy…but something tells me it is worth it.” He lifted Finn’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. The pilot realized, as Finn bit his lip shyly, that he could easily fall in love all over again in the process of trying to find himself. “Let me make things right.”

“Of course, Poe…I’ll be right here, as long as you want me by your side. But not until _after_ you give yourself some time to recover.”

“I’ll sleep when you do,” Poe bargained.

Finn huffed a laugh, and pressed their joined hands to Poe’s chest. “Touché, Dameron. Touché. Fine, I’ll be back to check on you in the morning.”

The instant Poe felt him start to pull away, he tightened his grip. “Maybe you’d sleep easier if you…stayed in here? There’s a whole bed right there,” he pointed out, gesturing to the other half of the room. The second the words were out of his mouth, though, he felt self-conscious, and released Finn’s hand to pick at the blanket.

“Well…I think some of your squad want to stop in and say hi…but I think I could make my way back in here once they’re done. Are you sure you’re okay with that?” Poe nodded with a charming grin. “Okay. You up for a little more company first?” Another nod, and Finn backed away from the bed. He lingered in the doorway for a moment, holding Poe’s gaze with a hopeful smile, before he ducked out to find the other pilots.

Poe allowed a strong sense of relief wash over him. Getting his memories back would probably be a long and painful process…but he had a man by his side that he trusted would not abandon him, and he had his squadron watching his six. They’d get through anything together.


End file.
